#Maskoff

Can I tell y’all something, I have been absolutely terrified to write for my blog. I've been so afraid that my writing wouldn’t sound right. As if there’s a right way to sound 🙄

I’ve been in this place of shame too afraid to admit...well a little of everything! Which is kind of crazy when I think about it because y’all have been rocking with me even after airing the DIRTIEST of my laundry! Like for real, for real!

Shout out to yall!

But still I was afraid you would read my words and instantly gain access to the person behind this mask. The mask I’ve been wearing for months. You know the “I’m good, please keep walking” mask. The one that you pray covers it all. The one that you hope conceals the growing distance between you and others...including God. The one that is just bright enough to light up the cave you’ve crawled into, so you can keep up the appearance of being okay. Because if someone so happens to see behind the mask you’d be forced to disengage survival mode...because you’re just barely holding it together in the first place.

Yea...that mask.

With all that being said, I’ve realized that this has become a cycle in my life. I get free, grounded and rooted in God, am thriving, but somewhere along the road I begin using my survival tactics and end up back in that cave.

I don’t know about anyone else but it feels a heck of a lot easier to just survive, than to do the work to thrive. Or at least it seems that way in the moment.

Surviving only requires stuffing down the things that hurt, are bothersome, or require too much effort, and you’re on your way. We have to put food on the table right? Who has time to thrive when there are basic needs to be met.

Our basic needs, need us to be ok or at least appear as so for long enough to “get this work”.

But is that God’s heart for us? To stuff ourselves so full with fear, doubt, and hurt that we’re darn near about to explode? For us to step BACK into bondage just to barely make it...

Surely not!! His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts.

In fact God says in Matthew‬ ‭6:25-33‬ ,

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

This is the verse God gave me when He called my husband and I into ministry, leaving everything behind including our jobs to serve Him. I still remember the tears I cried as I gave up my way of thinking and picked up His promise for us.

I was so hopeful and although He didn’t do it the way I imagined, He still fulfilled the promises He made to us that night. In fact He not only fulfilled our needs, but also prepared us for what was to come.

You see, God cannot lie, therefore we know it will come to pass. It's in that waiting and turmoil that we can get antsy and begin to believe what we see over what God has said. Heck, he knows all and can do the seemingly impossible, so surely He can do "this". The question is, are we willing to do the work on our end?

For me, I usually kick and scream, and try to abort the mission. Like seriously! The promise can be within view, but I have to go through the uncomfortable, the stretching, the pruning, to get to it and my first reaction is to stage a sit in right there in that spot pleading for God to move, when He's not only equipped me to move but has called me to!!

I need the things in that process, but I rather have it handed to me. And so after delaying, stressing, and digging in my hills I get weary and head back into that cave in search of reprieve to keep going forward "my way" to provide what God has already given...that's waiting for me on the other side of my obedience ( stepping forward).

Even still, God is so faithful! He doesn't give up on me! Instead He is with me not only in that cave but He is there in every person He sends to pull me out, to encourage me, to remind me of whose I am and who I am! Don't get me wrong He brings conviction and some strong rebuke too ( Yea I'm talking about Christian lol) , but I'm grateful for it. Without it I don't know that I would finally get to the place of stepping out of that cave to begin again in the freedom He has to freely given me...as I walk the path He's laid for me!

God is so faithful!

So, let me ask you...where do you find yourself today? If you find yourself behind the mask or hiding in that cave like I so often do just to get by, I encourage you to seek God with me to end this cycle and step back into who we are! Knowing we were built for this very life!

What does that look like though?

1. Be honest with God - Being downright honest with Him about where you are, what you are feeling, and why you believe you HAVE to hide.

2. Surrender - Surrender your thoughts and beliefs about yourself, your situation, and those around you to God! Lay it before Him sis!

3. Repent - ask for forgiveness for trying it your way and ignoring His instructions. Also ask for the grace to deal with the consequences of those choices.

4. Seek His Wisdom - Asking for His wisdom as to whom he’s called to walk out life with you and share with them the things you’ve been battling with!

I know that can be a hard one, but I guarantee God has given them a grace to not just speak encouragement into your life but to walk this thang out with you.

I know some folks are big on accountability...I for one don’t like it. That gif with the baby hitting that U-turn while running, yea that’s me as soon as people start holding me accountable. As much as I don’t like it, I must say it works! It gives us a sense of freedom knowing we don’t have to hide anymore! That we no longer need to be ashamed and that someone knows our deepest darkest secret/struggle and yet loves us still...and enough to speak truth to us even in our moments of weakness!

Where are you going we’re not done yet girl, just two more left:

5. Seek Him - Search God’s word and seek Him in prayer for the answers to your situation AND believe it over your fears!

God said to seek ye FIRST the kingdom of heaven and all these things will be added unto you. Those answers you’ve been looking for, the provision, all of it will make sense as you fully give yourself back over to God! As you chose Him over your thoughts and emotion, as you build with Him and believe Him over what you see. And girl things will begin to shift, not just in your life but in your heart! The things you used to work yourself to death for will begin to be things you trust God with and that which is fulfilled with the strategy and provision He gives you. #workingsmarternotharder

6. Work it!

We have to do the work!

That means putting feet to the instructions He gives as He gives them. Trust me He’ll give you the information you need but it’s up to you to see it through.

If I’m honest this is an area I struggle a lot in, especially because I procrastinate....can y’all please pray for me and the disobedience that is procrastination in my life! No, like for real!

If you haven't noticed...this post is me taking the the #maskoff , will you join by taking your's off too and trusting that God has you right where He needs you? Vulnerable and all!

Until next time, remember you can also hit me up here for prayer or even just someone to walk this thang out with.