I Will Do Both!

Man oh man, it's not easy to share this one y’all...

Keep ya girl lifted cuz ummm obedience surely ain’t easy especially when you’re in the midst of a situation. But I feel called to share so here I am, sharing.

By now most of you are aware that:

1. We live in a van

2. Travel full-time because we feel called to reach the lost, those who feel unworthy, unlovable, and forgotten

3. Our van needed a major repair far beyond what we could afford

4. God said to ask...so we did and y’all showed up and showed out

Let's just stop there for a second and give God the glory, because He did what only He could! He did the miraculous and He used many of you to do it! Thank you!

What you're not so aware of is...that the story didn’t end there. Nope...

The repair was covered and then some ( to God be the glory). But, a related issue was found while fixing the van ( one we asked about when getting it diagnosed, but wasn’t seen by the mechanic until the first issue was fixed). The bill then went from covered to...almost doubled.

Did we have it?

Yes, because God is soooo good, He moved on y’all hearts, and y’all answered the call!

Did that take away the sting of it?

Not quite as much as you’d expect.

See, when God moved there was excitement, gratefulness, amazement, and just marveling at how He orchestrated it all.

But even more than that, it seemed to finally be that abundance He spoke of. It seemed that even if for a month we could focus full time on ministry. And it was like that call from the mechanic took a box cutter and sliced right through that hope!

Was I still grateful?

Of course!

God did the miraculous!

How could I not be....but yet there was a part of me that was sad.

A part of me that was grieved, and a part of me that felt the weight of bills, struggle, and self-defeat being placed right back on my shoulders.

“Did I hear you wrong, Lord?”

“Did I cut off the blessings due to my own discomfort?”

So many questions swirled around my head. And...grief! Grief of what the situation appeared to have been. Still grateful, but also grieving.

Can the two coexist?!

I wanted nothing more than to rid myself of this icky feeling. The sadness, the questions, the lack of motivation...I wanted it all gone!

But by now I know, that I know, that I KNOW, stuffing down my feelings ain’t good for no one, least of all me.

So I felt them, tried to work through them, and honestly am still processing it all.

While I may not have all the answers, what I do know is that:

God is STILL on the throne

God is STILL in control

God knew it BEFORE we ever knew & He prepared for it

The repairs have been done and we WILL continue the journey

Moral of the story is,

...I ain’t got all the answers sis lol.

...it doesn’t have to have a pretty bow on it for God to move nor for Him to be glorified in it.

...it’s okay to do both, rejoice in God’s goodness, and mourn when reality doesn’t line up with what you envisioned.

For now, I will do both!

I will do both!

Love Y'all