Check Your Motives

Many of you may have noticed that I've been pushing out a lot of content lately. Why? Well, because God is teaching me how to use what I already have to create more.

Working smarter not harder!

Each day I'm learning more and more how to work in conjunction with God instead of piecing him on the front end and then tapping him in for approval at the end. I'm learning to go LIVE and post when he says, how he says...even when it doesn't make sense to me!

I have seen such a shift take place since I have begun doing so. I'm no longer relying on myself to give you all what you need. Heck, I have no idea what you need to hear right now, but God does and He knows exactly how you need to hear it!

Since I've been partnering with God

• I've had greater peace in my life.

• I've gained a greater grace to do what He's calling me to do!

• I've even been walking through doors that I would have run from before!

My faith is growing as I see the shift taking place in others lives as well. Surprisingly, enough I've even gained more confidence in myself. I've begun to finally see myself as who He created me to be...not who I feel like I am.

With all the good taking place, you would think I'd know better than to fall into the social media trap of chasing likes, shares, and views. Well....I am no stranger to this and unfortunately, this week I fell!

I might as well just spill it, there's no secrets between us anyway,right? Well, I received such good feedback from a testimony video that I figured I should do more of them.

Did I desire to tell the world just how good God is....yes, of course! But I also desired the attention and sadly, that desire outweighed my desire to showcase God's goodness. What am I really saying here?

I didn't have pure motives. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of it until I began my #TestimonyTuesday FB LIVE. I didn't quite feel the same. My passion was fleeting, I didn't feel connected with the viewers, I even felt awkward at times. Afterwards, I was so confused.

Why was I on fire for God and the things He's done, before the LIVE but could barely speak once on camera? Where did the passion go? Where did I go wrong?

As I sat there, meditating on what just happened. I felt a prick in my heart as sadness came over me.

I did it for the wrong reasons...

I felt so hurt, for God! How could I use him like that! How could I put him on display for my personal gain? How could I do this to Him?

I wanted to delete all traces of the video....I wanted to release a new one telling the world of how horrible I was and what I had done. Instead, I took the time to retrace my steps, examine my motives, and repent!!

Even afterwards, I still wanted to do this or that to "right" my wrong. But here's the thing, that would be me taking maters into my own hands, like I had before. So, instead I gave it back to God. I tried to rest in Him and trust Him with me, the video, and my wretched heart!

If I'm honest, this sense of guilt overtook me for days after the video. It wasn't quite condemnation, but it was getting pretty close to that. This morning I prayed and fully gave it over to Him! I let go of my judgment of myself, my shame, and my guilt! And do you know what God did?

He wrapped me in His perfect love and peace! It felt absolutely amazing and in that moment I was reminded of His goodness, His sovereignty, His love for us, and that although I am far from worthy God loves me anyway! He still extends His grace and mercy and it's all because of what Jesus did on the cross all those years ago.

I sit here humbled, not out of guilt, but out of grace and mercy! His grace and mercy cause me to bow, His love causes me to receive freedom even when I feel worthless!

While I hate what I did, I am beyond grateful for how God has taken my mess and used it to bring me to this place where I am humbled, placed back on the right track, free from the social media frenzy, and where I am able to see my heart towards God more clearly than ever before! I am grateful for the reminder to check my motives and the changes it has inspired me to make! I am grateful that God saw fit to bring the message to the forefront for I will need it where He is taking me. I will need to check my motives, before I take action, during, and even after.

I am grateful that even as I sat wrecked with guilt, He saw fit to use the video to inspire others to speak on His goodness!

I am just grateful, y'all!

What has God been teaching you this week? Have you been able to give your mess over to him or are you still stuck in guilt and shame?

Let me know.

I'd like to pray with you today, for freedom, growth even in the mist of your mistakes, and clarity of what God desires to do with all of it including your guilt!