Overcoming Shame: Raise Your Voice

Normally I talk about what’s going on in the here and now, but with your permission I’d like to take you back to my life almost two years ago. Is that okay?

Okay good! Thank you for rocking with me on this one!

Shame has a way of making us want to hide.

We could be in the deepest darkest pit of our life and yet not call out for help.

Why? Because we listen to the lie saying we aren’t worthy of help because we put ourselves there, or we are in sin too deep to be helped, or that we will be met with judgment instead of a helping hand....

Let me just say this...shame is a liar! In fact shame is just a form of condemnation...yea that’s right! And we know what the word says about condemnation, right?

Romans 8:1 (KJV) There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

God calls us to repentance not condemnation! He calls us to walk in his ways and call upon him for help when we fall, not to hide our faces from him in shame! We are forgiven!! 🙌🏾

God knew it all before you did it and still extended grace, mercy, and forgiveness! Jesus has already paid the price for your sins, he took on the penalty for all of them on the cross!

You are already forgiven!

Knowing that we are forgiven should change the way we respond in the face of shame, shouldn’t it?

Almost two years ago I knew I was forgiven but still chose shame over God’s peace, torment over deliverance, and longing over security in His hands!

At that time I had just moved back in with my parents. Before I could even get everything situated, the enemy began to bombard me with feelings of shame, failure, and everything else he could throw my way. Even though the lies were not in alignment with reality, that didn’t lesson the sting.

I had a tough time transitioning and began to sink into depression. During this time I began searching for anything that would bring me a sense of relief, some ounce of happiness. As I did so I began to do healthy things like write poetry again and spend time with family, but I also began to do some not so healthy things.

On one end I was growing and rediscovering myself, on the other I was stunting my growth by seeking a means of escaping my reality.

This was around the time the New Edition biopic came out. I was so fascinated by the actors and honestly began to obsess about their lives. Up to this point I never was that into celebrities.

I became fixated on two of the actors, one who is also a singer. He has amazing vocals but pretty much only sings about sex! Mind you this was during my period of celibacy (no sex for about 6yrs at that point). I began to listen to him almost nonstop then I started back listening to Trey Songz and other secular artists I had long given up. And right on cue I began to feel lust like never before. I began watching pornography, purchasing sex toys, and ultimately creating a fantasy world that became my self directed pornography.

No more need for the web or external pleasure to escape the depression over my life. I could just go into the fantasy world instead.

I would wake up, work, and rush back to my fantasy world. Some days I would even forgo food because it meant having to leave the fantasy and face the reality of my life. I felt so tormented by what I was doing but didn’t know how to stop! Instead of flipping a switch, my mind began to automatically go to this fantasy world.

At the time I was too ashamed to talk about the battle I was going through! I was too ashamed to ask for help! Heck I was even too ashamed speak about it after I got free. Why? Because my actions were out of character for me.

Monica would never do something like that!

Even now I look back on it and cringe a little as I see how much lust perverted my life!

Here’s the thing, anything outside of God’s intention is perversion, including in the area of sex. God created it to be between a man and his wife but when we take it outside of the confines of marriage it is perverted. It no longer reaps the good fruit God intended, instead it perverts our perspective and unfortunately calls us to bow to lust...something we are meant to defeat!

By God’s grace I was delivered from that! It required a lot of tears, fighting, and trusting God! I’m not proud of what I did back then but I am proud of the God I serve who can use my testimony to deliver someone else, to encourage someone else to seek him for freedom from it, to inspire someone else to step out of that pit and leave all of the so called “pleasures” behind.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t still battle with shame over this. In fact, I was so tempted to just not post this or leave some details out. But there’s someone who needs to know that God is not phased by their worst moments, and that there is HOPE! You CAN come out of what you’re in!

There IS purpose in sharing your testimony even the one you’re most afraid to, there’s someone who will receive freedom as a result of your words!

This time I’d like to do something a little different, if you are needing prayer in this area or anything you are ashamed of I’d love to pray WITH you! Hit me up here and include a number I can call to so we can stand in agreement together and believe God for not only your freedom but freedom for others as a result of your obedience!